Amherst · The Jolly Jug
The Jolly Jug Alibi: Amherst Patrons Watch a Drunk Driver Crash, Sprint for "Mom's House" on Margaret — Roommate Says Mom's Been Dead for Years
Just after midnight, Amherst PD reconstructed a story from the parking lot of the Jolly Jug: “A car struck in the area. This witness alleged she came out of the Jolly Jug, was intoxicated, crashed the car, she wanted to go provide assistance and she took off running. Unknown address, somewhere in Margaret, allegedly Mom's house”. Officers ran the roommate down first — “She's not here, it's just the roommate. He is attempting to call her on the phone” — and got a phone number for the dead-mother lead. A minute later the dead-mother lead evaporated too: the roommate did state that he believes the mother is deceased.
The suspect then called dispatch back, from what she said was Angola: “she is in Angola and she has not — she has been there for about two hours now — and does not know who is using her car”. The officer's response, dry as toast: “Well, we got, that's a straight lie. The patrons here all are identifying her as the operator, but if she wants to play that, you can advise her over the phone that her vehicle will have a hold on until she wants to speak with us”. The vehicle was placed on hold pending her return call; the shift ended with the car sitting where she'd left it.
Amherst · A very Amherst welfare check
"Nothing She Observed Was Too Out of the Ordinary, Just Some Yelling" — Amherst PD's Welfare Check Ends Before It Starts
The evening's most bureaucratically resigned transmission, delivered twice within seventeen seconds by Amherst dispatch at 20:27: “The vehicle is going to be a white Compass. She's unsure of the registration. The suspect is a white male, black shirt, white writing on the back — he's wearing a black backwards hat. She just wants a welfare check. Nothing that she observed was too out of the ordinary, just some yelling”. If there is a two-line summary of the difference between the residential experience of Amherst and its dispatch record, that is it.
Amherst · A dispatcher's late-shift call-out
"Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live" — Amherst Fire Dispatch, at 22:16 on a Thursday, Cueing Something Nobody Else Was Watching
In the middle of the Narrow Square smoke call — which, twenty minutes later, resolved to nothing at all — an Amherst Fire dispatcher keyed up with a two-word call-out that landed on the trunk without preamble or follow-up: “Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live”. It was Thursday. Nobody responded. The channel moved on.